For Better or Worse

For better, or worse…

When Mason and I got married, I never imagined that one of the moments of our marriage I would remember forever would be me in an upper body brace, him trying to put my hair in a ponytail and bathe me at the age of 24.

We were involved in an accident—but God spared us. I sustained injuries that I will recover from, with time, but for now, it is life altering.

No sugar coating here—2018 has been less than ideal. We’ve faced rejection, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression (which I’ll talk more about in a future post), and ended the year enduring a major trauma and experiencing the aftermath…. there have been great things in 2018 too, but we all know it’s so much easier to focus on all the bad things going on in our lives, rather than rejoicing in the good and counting our blessings.

But, rejoicing in the bad and finding God in the pain is one of the best feelings. Yes, it’s a lot easier said than done. But you know, that moment—when you feel like you’ve given all you can give, nothing is going right, and you’re just done….and then suddenly God shows up. He’s always been there, but maybe you just weren’t listening.

I want to share with you how marriage, one of God’s greatest gifts, helped me rejoice in pain and suffering this week.  

I’m in a full upper body brace. From my neck all the way down to the middle of my stomach. In other words, I can’t move and have to have assistance doing basic day to day things, like brushing my hair, taking a shower, etc.

The first week in my brace, I felt so helpless. I was in so much pain from my injuries already and the brace just made everything, I mean everything, uncomfortable.

Mason had to (and still is) literally doing everything for me and for our dog all in the midst of the final weeks in his Master’s program. Not to mention dealing with all the work that goes on after an accident. I felt helpless. He was doing it all, happily, and selflessly serving me—just as God called him to do. My feelings of helplessness quickly turned into anxiety. That night I didn’t sleep. I let my anxiety take over my entire being.

The next morning, Mason was helping me wash my face. We were facing one another in our bathroom as he was trying to put my hair in a ponytail, feeling helpless, I tearfully said, “thank you.” He looked at me and said, “for better or worse.”

Then I immediately thought back to our wedding day. We washed one another’s feet during the ceremony. In front of all of our family and friends, we both took turns kneeling on our hands and knees in our tux and dress, and washed one another’s feet.

Then, I thought about Jesus and why we chose to do this at our wedding.

From Jesus washing his disciples’ feet before the Passover, we learn such a great lesson in humility, serving and taking care of one another—for better or worse.  

From the time my husband looked at me and said, “for better or worse,” while brushing my hair into a ponytail, I’ve felt God’s presence in all of this pain and began to rejoice in the pain instead of letting my anxiety consume me and feelings of helplessness destroy my spirit.

I’m still in deep pain. And this is not the first or last time I’m going to experience pain. Maybe you’re experiencing pain right now, too. But we are not alone.

The next evening as I went to bed uncomfortable and in pain, I closed my eyes and imagined Jesus washing my feet and saying, “you are My child. For better or worse.”

I instantly felt peace and comfort in all of my pain, through Jesus. Jesus spoke to me: “you are not helpless—you are helpful.”

The next time you’re suffering, you’re in pain, you’re feeling helpless, and maybe life just sucks at the moment, I encourage you to think of Jesus washing your feet saying, “you are My child. For better or worse.”

-A special thank you to my husband, Mason, who serves me day in and day out. Injuries or no injuries.

-Another special thank you to Sue Head, who inspired me, encouraged me and prayed for me in a time I really needed it most, but no one may have known, but God. God works through us in his time.

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