God hears your SOS

Walking out of the psychiatrist’s office crying, rushing to the restroom, she hears a whisper, “is she okay?” She slams the restroom door and screams “NO,” and continues to cry.

She is not okay. She has anxiety. She has depression. She came out of it and she was herself again. Then she endured a trauma. Every time she closes her eyes, she hears a loud crash and the feeling of confusion and pain. Every time she closes her eyes, she hears herself scream “are you okay?” to her husband. He doesn’t respond for 15 seconds, only makes noises of pain and coughs as she keeps screaming. 15 seconds for her seemed like 15 years. Was he alive? Was she alive? Was this real?

The anxiety and depression she once defeated came back to haunt her, more powerful than ever. She has to go back to square one—no, negative square one. Her multiple doctors also feel defeated for her—they found her treatment plan—only to take leaps and bounds backwards plus diagnosing her with PTSD. Every time her husband leaves their home, she thinks something bad is going to happen. Every time she gets into a vehicle, she’s on pins and needles to the point of yet another anxiety attack.

She, is me. She is you. She is your friend, your sister, your neighbor who always seems joyful. I share this not so you feel bad for me, I know there are many people who have endured and experienced much worse, but mental illness is different for everyone.

I share this so you know you are not alone and you are never too far gone for God to rescue you from whatever is eating your spirit alive. I share this because from the moment I said publicly that I experience, anxiety, depression, and PTSD, I learned that so many people that I never would have imagined experience it too.

To my fellow readers, friends, and family who experience this too, I want to tell you tonight: your anxiety, depression, and PTSD does not define you.

To my readers, friends, and family who don’t experience this and are trying to understand what it feels like to experience anxiety, depression, and PTSD, it is different for everyone—but one thing we all have in common is that mental illness does not define us and mental illness is no different than physical illness.

The song “Rescue,” by Lauren Daigle, has been my encouragement this week. God hears your SOS and he will help you overcome again, again, and again. Take a minute just to read these lyrics and listen to this song:

You are not hidden
There's never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen

I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS
Your SOS

I will send out an army
To find You in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you

There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You're not defenseless
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your armor

I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army
To find You in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching
To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you

I hear the whisper underneath Your breath
I hear you whisper you have nothing left

I will send out an army
To find you in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching
To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you

Oh, I will rescue you

 

Truly,

KATIEFARRIS